Our Worship: Tremble- Battling anxiety

 Praise report- Just say the name of Jesus

I have stress induced panic attacks. Basically, my brain can only take so much in when stressors become too much. So, hormone receptors get all out of Wack, ie: my flight or fight response goes wacky, and my brain doesn’t know how to quickly fix it. So, I get short of breath, can’t have complete thoughts, start stuttering words, numbers or phrases over and over, have a fix stare and rock. I have had 4 and Chris and the kids know the signs, how to keep me safe, how to talk around me and overall help me.

Tonight, was a huge hit. Chris made an innocent teasing comment that unbeknownst to him and me, was the straw that broke the camel's back, a very painful trigger. What was said in the past no longer can apply in the present without intense emotional pain.

So here I am, dumb me ran in the bathroom, not letting anyone in. Really not a smart move. I have bronchitis right now so I can’t breathe to beginning with, add on to breathing issues with the attack. Needless to say, I was in major distress. But Jesus!

All I could do was try breathing and just say Jesus over and over. Each time I stopped, it got worse. This went on for what seemed forever but what it really was, was the faster recovery time of all my attacks. Slowly the name of Jesus became praising his name, then singing a phrase of praise over and over until it became repeating scriptures. The whole time trying to get my breath.

I do remember saying, there is power in the name of Jesus, demons flee in the name of Jesus, there is healing in the name of Jesus. Then I start singing, horribly I might add…

Jesus, Jesus, you make the darkness tremble

Jesus, Jesus, you silence fear

Jesus, Jesus, you make the darkness tremble

Jesus, Jesus

Breathe, then call these bones to live

Call these lungs to sing

Once again, I will praise

Ladies, I do not function during an attack. There is no way my mind would be able to pick this particular song at this very time of need. It was Jesus!!!!!!! He will be there when you need Him. In your darkest place and lowest valley, you are never alone. Even in a locked bathroom late at night. His Word is your sword. We do not fight again flesh and blood but princes and principalities. Ephesians 6:12

Off course now I can’t sleep, so I am in the Word. Psalm 55:4-8 describes what a panic attack can feel like. “My heart is in anguish within me; the terrors of death have fallen on me. Fear and trembling have beset me; horror has overwhelmed me. I said, ‘Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. I would flee far away and stay in the desert.’” Then David writes In Psalm 55:16-17, “As for me, I call to God, and the LORD saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice”. He finishes by saying in verse 22-23, “Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken. But you, God, will bring down the wicked into the pit of decay; the bloodthirsty and deceitful will not live out half their days. But as for me, I trust in you.

Will I have another panic attack? No clue, history would say yes but Jesus! He is my healer, my constant companion. In whom, I do not fear because He casts out all anxiety.

(The song is Tremble by I am They.)